25th November 2008

When to end a relationship

You are stuck at a crossroads in your current relationship…on average you would rate it a 7/10. Its not a “bad relationship”, nor is it a really good relationship. Maybe the intimacy is great, but something is still lacking. It’s time to determine when or if you should end the relationship.

This is a daunting task and fortunately a few authors have written books on the subject. I’m sure you can find those in the above book store.

To save you a bit of money, and hours of reading, here are the main themes I found on a website:

1.If “God” or some “divine being” told you it was OK to leave your relationship, would you feel relieved that you could finally leave?
- If your religion is the only reason you’re still together, your relationship is already long dead. Drop the self-torturing beliefs and choose happiness. Living together physically but not in your heart isn’t going to fool any divine being anyway, nor is it likely to fool anyone else around you. Leave the hypocrisy behind, and take off.

2.Are you able to get your needs met in the relationship without too much difficulty?
- If it takes too much effort to get your needs met, then your relationship is doing you more harm than good. Leave.

3.Do you genuinely like your partner, and does your partner seem to genuinely like you?
-If you don’t mutually like each other, you don’t belong together.

4.Do you feel a unique sexual attraction to your partner?
-If there’s no spark, there’s no point in staying.

5.Does your partner exhibit any behavior that makes the relationship too difficult for you to stay in, and do you find your partner is either unwilling or incapable of changing?
- Results matter far more than intentions. If your partner behaves in a way that’s intolerable to you, then permanent change is a must, or you need to leave. Example: “Quit smoking for good in 30 days, or I’m gone.” Trying to tolerate the intolerable will only erode your self-esteem, and you’ll see yourself as stronger in the past than in the present.

6.Do you see yourself when you look in your partner’s eyes?
-A metaphor… if you don’t sense a strong compatibility with your partner, you’re better off with someone else.

7.Do you and your partner each respect each other as individuals?
-No mutual respect = time to leave.

8.Does your partner serve as an important resource for you in a way that you care about?
-If your partner does little to enhance your life and you wouldn’t lose anything important to you by leaving, then leave. You’ll break even by being on your own and gain tremendously by finding someone else who is a resource to you.

9.Does your relationship have the demonstrated capacity for forgiveness?
-If you can’t forgive each other’s transgressions, then resentment will gradually replace love. Leave.

10.Do you and your partner have fun together?
-A relationship that’s no fun is dead. Leave.

11.Do you and your partner have mutual goals and dreams for your future together?
-If you aren’t planning to spend your future together, something’s terribly wrong. Take off.

I found these questions to be very helpful to me when I was ending my latest relationship. I thought I would share them with everyone, in hopes they help you too!

Amber R


This post was submitted by Amber R.

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